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Kricket

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Posts : 180
Join date : 2011-03-19
Age : 31

PostSubject: Short Stories   Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:51 pm

A woman came home to find her husband in the kitchen shaking frantically,
almost in a dancing frenzy, with some kind of wire running from his waist
towards the electric kettle. Intending to jolt him away from the deadly
current, she whacked him with a handy plank of wood, breaking his arm in
two places. Up to that moment, he had been happily listening to his
Walkman.




There was a case in one hospital's Intensive Care ward where patients
always died in the same bed, on Sunday morning, at about 11 a.m.,
regardless of their medical condition. This puzzled the doctors and some
even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural. No one
could solve the mystery as to why the deaths occurred around 11 a.m. on
Sundays. So a World-Wide team of experts was assembled to investigate the
cause of the incidents. The next Sunday morning, a few minutes before 11
a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for
themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding
wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off the evil
spirits. Just when the clock struck 11..! . Pookie Johnson, The part-time
Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so
that he could use the vacuum cleaner.
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Kricket

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Posts : 180
Join date : 2011-03-19
Age : 31

PostSubject: Re: Short Stories   Sun Mar 20, 2011 7:59 pm

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil
spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most
expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid
cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.




Mr. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, purchased a brand new 32-
foot Winnebago motor home. On his first trip home, having driven onto the
freeway, he set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers
seat to go into the back and make himself a cup of coffee. Not
surprisingly, the R.V. left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Mr.
Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in the owner's manual that
he couldn't actually do this. The jury awarded him $1,750,000 plus a new
motor home. The company actually changed their manuals on the basis of
this suit, just in case there were any other complete morons buying their
recreation vehicles.






Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania, was leaving a house he had
just finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the
garage door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning.
He couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and
garage locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation, and
Mr. Dickson found himself locked in the garage for eight days. He
subsisted on a case of Pepsi he found, and a large bag of dry dog food.
He sued the homeowner's insurance claiming the situation caused him undue
mental anguish. The jury agreed to the tune of $500,000.


(Kricket's note: Guy should have never been paid, he got what he deserved by having to eat dog food!)


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